I took over the mortgage payments on my home in July 2004, when my divorce was final.  From that day until March 2010, I never had a late payment.  I say that because it was something that I had great pride in.  I realize that mortgage payments are not meant to be late, but it is something that many people today are guilty of and I took great pride in the fact that no matter what, my mortgage was paid on time, every single month.

I won’t go into details publicly but in January of 2010 I found out that my income was going to become affected to where I may not be able to be on time with my mortgage.  The first thing I did was call the mortgage company to let them know what was going on.  They were completely unhelpful and told me that, “since I was not in default on the loan, there wasn’t anything they could do for me.”  Okay, I was bummed, but I (almost) understood the reasoning.

I was 2 weeks behind on my mortgage for the next six months and struggling with all of my bills by this point.  Then in September I was struck with kidney stones that would keep me out of work for the next eight weeks. 

Again I called the mortgage company and they asked me to fill out a bunch of paperwork and said they would work to find a program that would help me get caught up.  I remember feeling such a sigh of relief.  I knew it was going to be difficult but I was ready to do whatever I needed to do to get back in good standing with the mortgage payments.

In December I received, what I believed to be a gift from the great mortgage broker in the sky; a letter saying I would be given a temporary reprieve.  I would be paying 400 dollars less on my mortgage for three months.  I was elated.  I knew that was a choice I would be able to make, and get myself back on track financially.  For the first three months of 2011, I did just that.  I paid 400 dollars per month less for the mortgage.  I even arranged the bi-weekly withdrawal to come out of my March payments to be sure I would be on time for the first normal payment in April.

In April I received a letter from the mortgage company telling me I was a full month behind and could be in risk of losing my house.  I can’t begin to describe how frustrated and angry I felt and the very first chance I got I called the mortgage company to explain that they were mistaken and that I was not behind, but had just caught up with the on time payments.

I spoke with several different agents working for my mortgage company and each one of them was a little more condescending than the last.  I was advised that although I was allowed to pay 400 dollars less a month, I was still responsible for the 1200 dollars that were considered in default.  This didn’t make any sense to me and I spent hours on the phone trying to understand where their suggestion to pay less for three months was a benefit to me.  In my mind, I was now worse off than I’d been when I was 2 weeks behind and struggling.  I now felt incredibly betrayed by this big corporation and untrusting of anything they now had to offer.

I was asked to fill out more paperwork and at the same time was receiving mail from them saying that they didn’t have enough information from me to make any suggestions for programs that could help me out.  I hadn’t sent anything to the mortgage company since December and was confused as to what they were talking about.

Personally, I think the right hand doesn’t know what the left hand is doing in this company and I am, unfortunately, in the middle of the confusion. 

Today I am working my tail off to make up for this financial woe and with the help of someone will be back in good standing within the month.  I’m writing this because I can only imagine how people who are 2 or 3 months behind on their mortgage must feel.  Why isn’t the mortgage industry working WITH people during this time of struggle instead of FUELING the flames?  If I had a dollar for each time I was told by one of the mortgage agents, “That I just didn’t understand the way things worked…” or “I should read the fine print next time…” I would have been able to pay my whole mortgage off by now!  I am not a stupid person and although I don’t make a ton of money, I work with what I have and make the most and the best of it. 

I’m disgusted by the way I was treated by the mortgage company and I look forward to the day when I can go to another company and say I’d like to move my mortgage over and be done with them. 

This all got me thinking about how many other people out there have had similar issues and were maybe not able to get back on their feet?  Who else is the mortgage company industry pushing around?  I can’t imagine I am the only person dealing with this kind of situation and maybe we need to stand up for ourselves against these robber barons of the 21st century!

I hope you can’t identify with this blog, but if you can, I empathize with you and know how frustrating things can get.

January: Lynne, my baby sister, turned 40!  Abbie turned 15!  The world lost an amazing lady, Jayne, who lost her battle with cancer and who I think about quite often almost a year later.  Kids were cast in DHS DramaFest production of Epic Proportions…one of my very favorite plays…EVER.

February:  My friend is diagnosed with breast cancer and I am scared for her but confident things will work out (and they DID!).  Kids make it past prelims for DramaFest in Hamilton-Wenham and on to St. John’s Prep; where they also win and move on to the finals (2nd year in a row for making it this far)!  I end up with acute bronchitis and walking pneumonia and it takes weeks to get over! 

March: Pretty much spent the month in bed getting over my illness but was so proud of the kids as they made their way to the Finals at DramaFest.

April:  Mum’s birthday.  Dave and I finally get to our very first Red Sox game together; only to be rained out (it was his birthday gift to me…and the game was on April 21st, Dave’s birthday)!  We make the most of our time and enjoy the atmosphere on Yawkey Way and just being at Fenway park together.  (Went home with LOTS of fun Red Sox stuff!)

May:  I turned 45.  Mum and Dad spent a weekend up here and took Dave and I out for our birthdays and got to see the kids in The Mystery of Edwin Drood.  Turned out to be one of the kids favorite plays…but we sadly lost our director to “bigger and better opportunities” and started the very long process of finding a new director for the 2009-2010 school year.  Devan B. asked Tanner to escort her to her senior prom and they had a great time.  They were treated by Jess’s parents to the night in a limo and had a blast with all of the kids that went with them.  Abbie and I took pictures and wished we could go, too.  (She crawled into the limo, but I made her get out before they left for the prom…!)

June: Sadly, the kids lost their beloved, Mimi, this year and they spent the last few days of the school year in Pittsburgh with their dad and his family.  The world seems a little sad without her beautiful spirit and contageous giggle in the atmosphere; I loved her and just pray that she knew that…

July: One of the best 4th of July celebrations — EVER.  First we saw the QV fireworks show at the high school, from Joyce’s house and we couldn’t have been closer to the action!  They put on a wonderful performance and blew me away…g0 QV!  Then Dave (my totally pyro boyfriend) treated Fair Oaks to one of the best fireworks show ever…from the site of the old Fair Oaks elementary school, right behind my parents’ house.  It was just winding down when our fearless law enforcement officer showed up to shut things down.  (Although I think he was enjoying them, too for a few minutes…).

August:  We head over to Brooksby Village for Tanner to fill out an application for employment and while we are there, they ask how old Abbie is and have her fill out an application also.  They are both hired to work in the Green Tree Cafe and start their lives of being employed!  To celebrate I take the kids on a spontaneous weekend adventure to Weirs Beach and we spend a few days in a cabin just off the boardwalk.  We had a blast and the kids said the only thing missing was DAVE…(and made me promise that he would join us next time…).  After returning from our long weekend, I start a painting project with Kelley, working at Eddie’s new house. 

September:  The kids go to Ireland for a week with Brad and the gang.  Back to DHS for Tann to start his Junior year and Abbie to start her Sophomore year.  I’ve been voted in as Vice President of the ACTS Parents Board and we have a rough time choosing the best candidate but find, what we believe to be a gem, to take the kids through the Fall play.

October:  I’m asked by my friend, Tina, to work temporarily for the very busy month of October at the Salem Witch Museum.  I’m thrilled and work Mon-Fri for the four weeks and enjoy every minute of it.  Quentin arrives from France and spends two weeks with all of us.  Over night they live at Brad’s house in Beverly and after school everyday, they all head over to my house and we hang out for a few hours, do the dinner thing, and I bring them all to whatever activity they have to attend for the evening.  We all totally fall in love with the sweet, very handsome, Quentin and when he leaves on Halloween from DHS there are many photos taken and tears shed…(certainly by Dave and myself…).  The end of the month has Ms. Tina asking me if I would like to stay employed at the museum and I am finally working again after a year and a half.  I’ve fallen in love with the job and the other employees and feel so honored to be asked to remain.  I spend Halloween day in Salem, taking photos of all the wildly dressed up tourists and have enough photo material to write a book about!

November:  My dear friend, Howie Rich, passed away after a 2 year battle with a brain tumor.  He will always be missed because he was such a big part of so many kids’ lives that he was able to reach through his work as a teacher at DHS and as my mentor with Young Life.  The fall play, An Evening with Ives, goes off better than we’d thought but we once again lose the director who, although had all the right intentions, could not back up his commitment to our kids.  The search is on for a new director…again.

December:  I have lost my health insurance with Brad and will need to find my own for January, this puts me into a tail spin until the young woman who asked me to be her sponsor the month before, tells me that in her work, she helps people get health insurance all the time and will do what ever it is I need to get coverage.  What a blessing she has been.  My unemployment has run out and for the very first time this year, I start to feel a little overwhelmed with finances.  Had dinner one Friday night with some of the best women I know!  Enjoyed the evening more than I’d imagined.  The following day took the four of us to Stow, MA and my cousin Kathy’s house for the Annual Buckley Family Christmas Party.  Two of my cousins who live far away are there with their families and we have one of the best times ever!  The kids and I go to see West Side Story at Marblehead High and are blown away by the quality of the actors/turned dancers and how well our friends, Peter and Joey did with the production.  I have come to admire and respect these two men and pray that they will always be a part of my life…even while they are living in NYC.  Joey leaves on the 29th and it is very difficult to say goodbye to him, but I know he is off to make a positive impact on the world!  One of the saddest days of the whole year came December 16th, when Lisa Tedisky, 41, lost her 6 year battle with ALS.  I met Lisa when she was hired as Brad’s secretary and felt a kinship to her from the moment we laid eyes on one another.  We enjoyed a lot of laughs and a few tough times over the years and through my divorce but I would have given anything to have been able to be a part of her life over the past 5 years.  I don’t think she ever got that message and it saddens me that she probably never knew how often she was on my mind and how very much I wanted to be there with her and for her.  …the worst part was being asked NOT to attend her services…  Because it pretty much validated my fear that she was never told how often I asked about her and how many times I sent my love and best wishes her way…which leads me to believe that my former mother-in-law never got those messages, either.  How sad…   The end of the year has Tanner with shingles, the board hiring a new director that we are all excited about and are looking forward to great things from…

There were many other things that happened during this year that I just don’t think I have enough space to write about.  The DHS “MEEP” fiasco, the awesome outcome from the meeting with the principal in June, being re-connected with some of my favorite people in the world via facebook and the proud mother I was sitting in the audience of DHS auditorium watching both of my children, dressed in formal attire, singing with the Chamber Singers during the Winter Concert. 

The year ends with a strong relationship, many new and re-kindled friendships, a love and admiration for my children and a hope that 2010 will only be better.

All my love,

JDH

The kids at the Winter ConcertQuentin and Abbie; October 2009

What a wild couple of weeks it has been!  I feel very disconnected from the world; from MY world and I don’t like this feeling.  I haven’t been able to talk to the people I love on a regular basis, which has felt like my energy source is running low. 

The last meeting I went to was a week ago.  We worked on Step Six; Became willing to have God remove our defects of character.  I sat in that hall, at just after 7am and the thought occurred to me that, “I haven’t had any feedback from friends I love about my character defects recently, and maybe that means I’m doing really well…”  Before my mind could finish that thought, I heard (loud and clearly), “Who are you kidding?!  You haven’t had any family and friend feedback because you haven’t let ANYONE in!  You have kept yourself isolated from the people that know you best for some time now, and that’s why no one has pointed out your faults…no one is close enough to witness them!” 

Like a bolt of lightning, I realized that I was repeating a pattern that is so familiar to me; I have acquaintances in my life, but no one very close…that keeps me safe…it’s the way I’ve been doing life for over 40 years!  I surround myself with friends, but never let anyone in too closely… I keep everyone at an arm’s length and never let too much of myself ‘out there’ for others to comment on or get to know. 

That feels very sad for me and I’m hoping to change that behavior… 

In order for a behavior to be changed, it has to be recognized; and that is what I am doing with this post.   I am letting the people who will read this; in on the secret that I rarely let anyone get too close to me and I have a tendency to hold back from letting others know exactly who I am.   This is an attempt on my part to let go of this way of doing things and find a better avenue. 

I hope this entry doesn’t sound completely self-serving and that whoever is out there can help me with this way I have of shutting myself off from the real world; and hiding myself from letting anyone get too close.

Kenny said it best last week, after I spoke, when he said, “Jill, it took me many years to figure out that I’m an extroverted loner.”  Amen, my friend, Amen.

We need to stop the violence or we may be a casualty ourselves one day.

When did our country become a place where people could walk into their place of employment or an establishment that didn’t cook their steak to their liking and open fire killing others for no other reason than just being in the wrong place at the wrong time?

The shooting at Ft. Hood is especially disturbing to me because of the fact that it involved one of our very own military individuals – you know, the guys who selflessly volunteer to protect and serve our country in a time of war; who must have believed he was entitled to act out his frustrations by killing fellow Americans…not just any Americans, but others of that fabric that volunteer to keep us safe as a nation.  Have we become a nation full of entitlement?  Do we think its okay to destroy the lives of so many innocent people by an act of violence like what happened on that military base?  One of the news reports I saw this morning said the man responsible for the 13 dead had been harassed since September 11^th, 2001 because he is a Muslim.  Is that what it takes to qualify for an act so evil and so cruel?  Can we hide behind our religious beliefs for the sake of retribution?  Where does this kind of thinking end?  Does it EVER end?

When we are in a situation that is harmful to our selves, we need to do all we can in our physical power to remove ourselves from harm’s way…not pull out a gun and shoot people.  It’s not okay, in my opinion, to remain in a place where we are being harmed; physically, emotionally or psychologically and then resort to the kind of tragedy that struck the military base yesterday.  How come I can understand this and a man trained in the field of psychology is unable to apply it to his own life?  I barely graduated high school back in the 1980’s, and my college education is far from complete and yet I know that if you are in a situation that is uncomfortable you do everything in your power to LEAVE IT.  You don’t let 8 years go by and then decide to end the lives of others because of your believed injustice.  GROW UP!!! 

When I’m dealing with my two teenagers and they are having a difficult time in their daily high school drama-infested lives, they get the same advice: if someone is bothering you, get away, tell an adult.  By removing yourself from a painful situation you are given the option to make better decisions and will probably NOT lead to violence.  Your anger will not fester and grow into rage if you can adhere to that simple rule.

Who knows, maybe this entire incident may have been avoided if the gun man got HIMSELF SOME HELP?  Unfortunately, we’ll probably never know.  What we do know is that the lives of countless people have been affected by one man’s rage.  How many parents were unable to return home to their children last night after work?  How many innocent people are in the hospital today, fighting to live so they can see a child graduate college or get married? 

Come on, people, we need to think of the consequences of our actions and learn to do the right thing…

What is wrong with a society that has allowed this kind of violent behavior repeat itself so many times over?  When does it stop?  Where does it stop?

Put on your big-boy or big-girl pants and DEAL with your problems like intelligent people do – talk it out – don’t shoot.

Salem in OCT 09

It’s Sunday, October 25^th and I am staring out the window of my bedroom looking at one of the most gorgeous days I have encountered all year.  I have a soft spot for fall days like today and I’m not really sure why.  Maybe it’s because my first born came into the world during this time of year or maybe it was the excitement of waiting for the Peanuts annual The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!  I don’t know…but what I know is that days like today have a tendency to take my breath away.

I love it when I am greeted with a day that has the potential to only get better, depending on how my view on life is at the moment.  The weather can have a profound effect on my mood sometimes and when it swings the way it is swinging today, with the beauty of October, I can’t help but want to somehow enjoy every minute.

Its days just like today that make me feel blessed to live in this part of the country.  What was green just a few weeks ago are brilliant yellows and orange!  My view hardly resembles the one I’ve been seeing for the past several months and I know that change is coming.

Maybe that’s what it is; maybe it’s the unspoken knowing that fall is a change of season and a change of season has always felt to me, like a time to start fresh.  I love the feeling of changing the calendar to September and knowing that it means fall is approaching.  I often find myself day dreaming about what seasonal activities I will be able to enjoy in the upcoming weeks when the season feels new. 

Fall in New England is unlike any other part of the country; there is so much to do that when a day like today presents itself its almost overwhelming.  There are apple orchards to visit and trees to climb to pick the ripest apples, there are pumpkins to pick and carve and put out on the front steps with a tea candle inside, it is not cold enough to need a scarf and mittens (most days!) but it’s cool enough to require an extra layer of clothing or at least a sweater.  There are leaves to rake, cider to warm and drink; costumes to be planned for that one night when everyone can be a kid!  I feel sad for those who believe that there is an age limit on Halloween and trick-or-treating; I think they must have not made the most out of this season as a child and it has caused them to sour to the idea of dressing up and getting free candy.  I never ask my children if they are going to be engaging in the sport of trick-or-treating; I simply ask them if they have their costumes ready. 

Getting dressed up for a night of knocking on doors and having mini Snickers bars tossed into the old pillow case you carry for a collection bag is a night when some people can peel off the mask they are wearing all year long, and just be who they want to be.  For some it means dressing up like the opposite sex, for others it means donning a scary mask that will somehow let the world know you might want to stay away from them…or else…and for others it’s a night to lay down the expectations your parents have for you and to let yourself wear eye liner and eye shadow with just a hint of lipstick.  There is no need to qualify why we choose the costumes we choose each year; we can be whomever we want to be…no questions asked.

How could this not be viewed as the greatest time of year?  If you live in a region of the world where the trees don’t turn magnificent colors, I’m sorry that you will miss out on this experience and I’m sure there are changes that happen where you are that are just as noteworthy. 

I’ve been blessed this year with one additional factor; I’ve been working in the town of Salem, MA and there is no where on earth that this season means more to than in Salem.  I’m proud to be a part of the staff at the Salem Witch Museum and have found this year to be one of my most memorable being in the midst of Salem’s Haunted Happenings.  There are people who travel from all over the globe to be in Salem in October and their excitement is contagious! 

No matter what your views happen to be about this time of year, enjoy and appreciate them for what they are…YOUR VIEWS.  If they don’t coincide with any of mine, that is okay – being different is what makes this world an interesting place to be.

Open the windows and let in the cool, fresh air of autumn.  Seize the day!

Be well.

Photo by JD Henry 2008

I don’t think truer words have ever been said and that line came from the classic movie, The Wizard of Oz.  It is what the Wizard said to Dorothy when she said that all she wanted was to go home to Kansas.  Oprah Winfrey has said a few times on her show that she has that saying hanging in her office, because she knows the power of the statement and she has an appreciation of its meaning.

Here is the way I see it: we spend time and money every day trying to find that one thing that will “make us happy.”  We all strive for that light-hearted, giddy feeling that is associated with new love and somewhere along the way we began to believe that we could only obtain that blissful state from an entity outside of ourselves.  We lose weight, work out, buy new clothes, get our hair done, leave our job, leave our spouse, listen to music, call the Botox doctor, get a new car, buy a new house, take more prescription pain pills than we really need, we lie, we cheat, we steal, we live life on the edge all to get that feeling that we believe can only be achieved from sources outside of ourselves; when the truth is, just as the Wizard told Dorothy: “You had the power inside you the whole time…”

The love for life that we’re searching for in movies, soap operas, MTV reality shows, making more money, winning the lottery or falling in love doesn’t come from outside our physical bodies, it comes from loving ourselves.  That bliss comes from living the life we were meant to live, following our inner dreams and not settling for less.

I believe that we all come to Earth with a plan.  We are completely aware of that plan when we do the things that we love, and our beings are filled with joy.  Somewhere along the way we begin to listen to others; parents, clergy, teachers, law enforcement and more about what we “should” be doing with our lives.  Unfortunately, those are their dreams and not usually our own.

Remember back to being a kid and engaging in an activity that you could feel from the bottoms of your feet?  Was it playing baseball, running a lemonade stand, coloring, spending the day in a day dream, or acting out the most recent episode of Batman & Robin alone in your room?  When we are able to identify that activity we have tapped in to something really big.  Imagine if you were paid to continue that activity?  What if you could trade in the ho-hum job you found yourself in for the daily job of your dreams; the one that brings you sheer joy and happiness just thinking about it, let alone getting paid to do it?

There is a saying that says, “Love what you do and you’ll never work a day in your life.”

I can’t help but believe that and for me, that’s the only way I want to live.  So much of our lives are our jobs because on some social level, what we do defines who we are.  Wouldn’t you rather be known for doing the thing that brings you closer to Heaven as a feeling than one that you trudge through daily, dreading even if you’re getting paid to do it? 

When we follow our dreams and find a career in the field we were meant to follow upon coming to the Earth, our bliss is visible by all who are near.  So find inside yourself that power that will turn your mundane existence into what you would do for free…and let the blessings flow.

“You have the power inside you…” don’t stop until you find it!

Be well.

Photo by JD Henry 2009

Are you feeling blue?  Are you sad and feel alone sometimes?  Have you painted yourself into a corner that you’re not sure how to get out of?

I have the answer:

Do something nice for someone else.  I don’t mean; paint their house, offer to be a surrogate for the child they’ve always wanted, give away a kidney (although I think that one is very noble!), I just mean, make a difference in someone else’s day. 

It’s great if you can do this for someone you know, so you can see the effect of your kind deed and how it touches them, but it’s even better when you do this thing and then let it go.  Not needing to know the outcome is half the fun.  Sure, you can buy someone flowers for their birthday (Happy Birthday, Liz and little Jenn), but how about picking a flower on your way to work and giving it to someone who looks sad that you pass by everyday?  Maybe you could do something as natural as smiling at someone, catching their eye and letting them see the gleam in your own.

I work in a public place, every day hundreds of people come into the place where I work and I am fairly sure I’ll never see (most of) them again; but that’s the gift…I smile brightly, my Irish eyes have been complimented more than just a few times and I feel good all over.  There really is something to all of this; when we do things for others, no matter how small it may seem to us, it might help lift the spirits of another, but the real true gift is that WE FEEL THE JOY. 

When our focus comes off of ourselves and is put onto someone else, even for just a split second, we are not consumed with our own trials and struggles.  We are able to take all of the positive energy that comes to us from that better place…and offer it to a stranger.  Is there any greater gift than making someone smile without their permission?

I love when I spot someone who seems just a little on the cranky-pants side of an attitude and I plot my timing just right and feel so great when my smile is met with a return.  I am certain that they had no intention on smiling at me or anyone else, and they may have a really great reason for not smiling…maybe they’ve just discovered a horrible life-threatening symptom of a disease, maybe they lost all of their 401k at the tables in Atlantic City, or maybe they just haven’t felt any joy or light in their lives for some time and think they don’t deserve it.  But I am able to work up  a smile from them…and that makes ME SHINE…it brings ME the JOY…!

Try it for yourself.  Step away from your problems and worries today and see if you can’t make the difference for someone else by just a smile.  I promise, you won’t be disappointed.

Be well.

Photo by JDHenry 2008.

Have you heard the one about the caterpillar that turned into a butterfly?

Several years back we bought the kids one of those kits where these little bits of black string roam around for a few weeks, eating leaves and getting fat.  For weeks we watched these caterpillars grow and turn themselves inside out until they were tucked into a cocoon.  If you know the story of the metamorphosis you know the next part of the story and that is; the cocoon is opened and a butterfly emerges.

There were several things that struck me as profound while I watched this process of nature.  The first was how incredible it is that just at the end of the caterpillar’s life, the butterfly appears.  How cool is that?  I think God had a good time coming up with that one, just to throw us all off a little.

But the other thought I had was how difficult it was to watch the process of the butterfly working so hard (without the proper tools, in my opinion) to open the cocoon from the inside; all it had to work with are wings, for crying out loud!  But the struggle that takes place is long and exhausting.  I can’t tell you how many times, in the days it took for the metamorphosis to complete that I wanted to help the little guy out.  I wondered if I just made a tiny slit in the cocoon it would be able to move around more easily and be free sooner.   I’d just be HELPING, it wouldn’t be of selfish motives, it would be to assist in the process of nature, and who could blame me for that?

The truth is, if there is one single element that is introduced into this perfect working, the butterfly won’t form and it will simply die in the cocoon.  Any attempts, no matter how heartfelt, would end in tragedy.  Maybe its God’s way of teaching the butterfly everything they need to know to come out into the world as a whole new creature?  Maybe, like us, they need to go through the difficult to be able to appreciate the simple? 

Isn’t that what our own trials and tribulations are all about?  If we never saw the sadness, how could we recognize the happiness?  I do not believe we are “punished” to understand things; I just think that some of life’s lessons come in packages that may be difficult for those who love us to witness; but they ARE necessary.

My core belief is that we have free choice, and sometimes the choices that we make are difficult or hurtful to ourselves (and/or others) but those times are there to teach us something.  It has been my experience that if we have a difficult time and we are unable to learn from it, we are more than likely going to make the same choice again…and again…until we are made aware of the lesson.  God is patient.  He also knows that we’ll get it at some point, so He waits for us to recognize what needs to change and then we are rewarded with being able to experience the opposite of the difficult times.  We are able to feel the joy of being aligned with our soul’s purpose.

So, as much as it hurts me to see someone I love hurt, I know that their journey is their own and that they will be okay because it always works out; even when the outcome is nothing we’d ever dreamed of.  If you’re hurting today, know that your friends are with you and we’ll be with you until you’re through the rough times.  We’ll still be there when the time comes to celebrate!  We’ll cheer you over the finish line to your true destiny… we just won’t be able to take any of the trials and tribulations away from you.  And we do that because we love you.

Be well.

I have to start today’s post with something that I happened to read this morning, in my morning meditation book, The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.  First let me say that Ms. Beattie is one of the smartest women I have ever read!  She is my inspiration on many levels to continue writing and my hat is off to her and I am honored to be able to quote her today, as a part of my own post.  Please read on…

October 11^th

How easy it is to blame our problems on others.  “Look at what he’s doing…”  “Look how long I’ve waited…”  “Why doesn’t she call?” … “If only he’d change then I’d be happy.”

Often, our accusations are justified.  We probably are feeling hurt and frustrated.  In those moments, we may begin to believe that the solution to our pain and frustration is getting the other person to do what we want, or having the outcome we desire.  But these self-defeating illusions put the power and control of our life in other people’s hands.  We call this codependency.

The solution to our pain and frustration, however valid, is to acknowledge our own feelings.  We feel the anger, the grief; then we let go of the feelings and find peace – within ourselves.  We know our happiness isn’t controlled by another person, even though we may have convinced ourselves it is.  We call this acceptance.

Then we decide that although we’d like our situation to be different, maybe our life is happening this way for a reason.  Maybe there is a higher purpose and plan in play, one that’s better than we could have orchestrated.  We call this faith.

Then we decide what we need to do, what is within our power to do to take care of ourselves.  That is called recovery.

It’s easy to point our finger at another, but it’s more rewarding to gently point it at ourselves.

–Melody Beattie—

The Language of Letting Go; pages 296, 297

See what I mean?  She’s brilliant in an all-around smart-lady way…ya know?  This post is perfect timing today for me and for some of the struggles I encounter on a daily basis.  Maybe they ring true for you, too.  I hope you find the wisdom in Ms. Beattie’s words and if you do, I encourage you to pick up one or more of her books; Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself, Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time or The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today’s Generation; just to name a few.

Be well.

You can almost hear God's voice... JD Henry 2009

No, I’m not endorsing the movie with a similar name (Cloudy with a chance of meatballs) but when I got up this morning my first thought was, “I wonder what today’s weather will be like?”  You see, I live in New England and in this area the saying goes, “If you don’t like the weather, just stick around for another 15 minutes or so, because it’ll change.”

I’m working in a new setting.  For the month of October I am working at the Salem Witch Museum in Salem, MA.  My time will be temporary but in just four days I have been blessed with many gifts already!  I work with a group of people who (are you sitting down?) all have positive attitudes.  I am not kidding!  It is such a pleasure to get to work every morning and be among a group of folks who are excited about the day ahead.  I’m not sure where this attitude starts every day, but I have to imagine that going to work is not a chore but an adventure.  This very eclectic group of people seems to truly care about one another and have quickly taken a liking to me and stories of my own family. 

What surprises me first is that, if you know anyone from the Boston area, we have a reputation of not being all that friendly and I was so pleased to find the opposite is true of my new colleagues.  Granted, many are from different parts of the world (one particular Irish woman with a love for PC games, like myself, comes to mind…) but they all share a positive attitude every morning as we all are assigned duties like vacuuming specific areas of the museum.  Just yesterday, as I was straightening up the gift shop shelves I chuckled to myself when I realized that the woman working near by was whistling the tune, “Ding dong the Witch is dead.” 

I had a feeling that yesterday would break the spell of the over-all positive attitudes; the forecast called for rain; serious rain and I thought to myself, “Well, I’m sure if anything is going to do it, this will put a downward spiral of a tailspin on the attitudes of all at work.” 

As I walked the block or so to the museum from my parking spot, umbrella in hand, I was thinking about the upcoming day, daydreaming just a bit and I didn’t realize how close I was to the street; nor did I calculate that the car driving down the narrow road was just about to drive through a puddle as I passed before I was drenched from head to toe with one splash.  Let’s face it, this is the kind of thing that would have sent even the happiest of folks down a long dark path but as I climbed the stairs of the museum and heard the gang of employees laughing and sharing stories I couldn’t help myself but smile.  They are truly contagious. 

As the day progressed a wonderful sight came in to view; the sun peeked out of the dark clouds and lit up the entire city.  To have the atmosphere go from downpour to sunshine so quickly was so much fun it left most of us a little giddy.

In the meantime someone realized that we were in need of light bulbs and someone was going to need to walk a few blocks to the store and get some because there weren’t any readily on hand.  One of the nicest young men I have ever met said he would be happy to tackle the chore and left the museum with the sun shining brightly.  Within minutes, the sky grew dark, the rain clouds opened up and we had torrential downpours like they talk about during the rainy season in tropical climates.  There was a sudden panic; what about the young man who has left the museum to go get light bulbs?  Immediately someone grabbed the phone and called the store to have someone tell him to stay put in the store and that one of the managers would drive over and pick him up.  This was done only to find out that he had already been to the store and was presently heading back to the museum.  Almost as quickly as it had started, the rain stopped and the sun came out to shine even more brightly than before.

As I walked over to the cash register to help some customers I saw my six foot tall co-worker enter the museum with a large bag in his hands.  He couldn’t have been more wet if he’d jumped into a swimming pool!  He looked a little dazed but I quickly learned that he is also a great actor because a dimpled smile came to his face and he said, “When I left here, the sun was shining and as I walk back in, the sun is shining…what happened?”

It was one of the funniest scenes I’d ever witnessed and I couldn’t have scripted it better. 

What does all of this have to do with the weather forecast?  Many of us have a tendency to be a little fair-weathered in our thinking and our out looks; if the sun is shining, so are we, but if we are faced with clouds, all bets for a good day are off!

What I learned yesterday, my third day on the job, is that it is the attitude we choose that keeps us sustained throughout the day and it’s always better to have a partly sunny outlook than a cloudy one; even if those clouds have opened to the skies and drenched everything in sight.

Be well.